Infertility isn’t a one month deal.

There is no expiration date to a diagnosis that rocks a couple’s world. No true end in sight. The only guarantee is that having a baby is no longer going to come “easily” or “swiftly.” Having a baby is going to require hard work and dedication- traits you didn’t realize you would have to have in order to procreate, but you knew you would definitely need to parent.

So perhaps what scares me the most about infertility is that it is so open-ended- it is not knowing just how long this journey is going to be. I find myself thinking that a baby could be 28 days away OR 28 months away. We could be blessed with a child and then struggle again to add to our family. There is no doubt that this is going to be a journey. But the question becomes how do I travel this road while balancing hope with realism? How can I maintain my sanity and my relationships? How am I going to make it through this? It’s a scary road to be on.

There is no doubt that infertility brings out the worst sides of me some days. The days my period arrives or when someone announces a pregnancy. The days when people are insensitive, rude, or hurtful. Those days are days where my ugly side rears its head – I don’t want to be jealous or angry, but I realize it is part of dealing with a world that wasn’t built for infertiles.

On my more confident and hopeful days I find solace in the idea that this road will come to an end. But the journey through infertility has changed me. I just want to make sure that infertility makes me BETTER and not BITTER.

So how do I make sure those bitter feelings of jealousy, anger and pity don’t define this journey towards a child? What am I doing to make sure I am a better woman/ mom/ wife than I was when all of this started?

• I am going to share my journey and continue to support others in hopes of bringing awareness to infertility.
• I am going to voice my honest feelings, my fears, and my experiences so other women and men feel they can do the same.
• I am going to breathe, take one day at a time, and let infertility help me find more balance in my life.
• I am going to continue to believe that I will be a mom one day, that my husband will hear the word “daddy”, and that we will have that joy.
• I am going to start giving myself credit for the strength that I do have instead of focusing on my weaknesses.

Most importantly, I am going to continue to LIVE with infertility. I am going to hold onto hope, hold onto friends, and hold onto dreams. I am going to put one foot in front of the other on this crazy journey and try to remember there is a finish line; it just may not look like what I thought it would or come when I expect it.