So I’m a big baseball fan and Spring training is in full swing. I thought maybe it would be a good time for all of us infertility vets to give a little Spring training to those just embarking on infertilityand treatments.

What we infertility vets want you newcomers to know:  

You know yourself. Your husband/wife/partner knows you. Your doctors will come to know you. Your friends, neighbors, coworkers and relatives know nothing.

Once you tell people or they even suspect that you’re having conception issues, they will all come out of the wood work to offer you (almost totally worthless) infertility advice. All of a sudden everyone is a fertility maven. They’re all experts on the reproductive system…even those who can’t spell “reproductive”… and they all know what you need to do to get pregnant.

They may be sleeping on a couch with their boyfriend and their three kids in a basement in his cousin’s house, but they know how to solve all of your problems.

They may think tsunami is the cashier at the Chinese buffet and Libya is a woman’s body part, but they can solve your infertility.

They may think Philadelphia is the capital of New York and Los Angeles is just west of California, but they can resolve your issues.

So, these same people who ask you every year: What date does New Year’s Day come out on this year? Or call you from down the block to ask “What time is it there?” …will offer up their unbelievably uneducated guesses at how you can get pregnant.

“Go on a vacation. My cousin went on vacation and came back pregnant.”  Of course she went “on vacation” at an army base and has no idea who the baby daddy is.  

“Just relax: If you don’t think about it, it will just happen.”  After all, that’s probably how they got pregnant. They didn’t think about birth control…and it just happened.

“Adopt. People who adopt always wind up pregnant” Yeah, I’ve heard of that happening too. So, do you think all of those millions of people who are on waiting lists and go through all of the red tape and fly to other countries to adopt…it’s all just a big ploy? I’ve been wondering. Maybe they don’t really want to adopt. They just think it’s an easy way to get pregnant. It worked for Ted and Georgette on the Mary Tyler Moore Show. (If you never heard of that show…yes, I am old… please be polite and just keep it movin’)  

“You have to have sex all the time”: Okay, I’ve got no argument for that one. 

The point is: Don’t let them make you nuts. You’re starting out. You’re overwhelmed. That’s understandable. Just don’t assume every Num-nut knows more than you do. If you want to confide in people about your situation, go ahead. But don’t run to people, who you have no reason to believe know anything about anything, for advice.